FACTS ABOUT ROGER BERNADINA
- Sharks don't sleep. Bernadina is no different. When everyone else goes to bed, he swims a lap around the earth.
- For most sharks, two-thirds of its brain is devoted to sense of smell. For Bernadina, 100% of his brain is devoted to kicking ass in baseball.
- As the deepest diver, the Portuguese Shark can dive over a mile and a half under water. When it gets there, Bernadina puts it in a headlock and carries to the center of the earth.
- Whale Sharks grow to 45 feet long and weigh 30,000 lbs. Every morning, Bernadina stacks three of them to do bench presses with.
- Sharks don't have a single bone in their body. Roger Bernadina's "broken ankle" in 2009 was all a ploy so he could be involved in the filming of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week. Mike Rizzo was too scared to say no.
- Garry Marshall had to get Bernadina's approval before they could air Fonzie using water skis to jump the shark on Happy Days.
- Shark attacks are on the rise globally. When Bernadina arrived at Spring Training, they immediatly dropped to zero.
- Conversely, over 100 million sharks are killed each year. It's what they get for treading on Bernadina's turf.
- Some sharks are strong enough to bite through steel. Roger Bernadina can bite through all of Pittsburgh.
- Roger Bernadina can breathe under water.
- Great White Sharks account for about 30% of all shark attacks. Roger Bernadina accounts for the rest.
- When not playing baseball, Bernadina hustles people in cards and charges exuberant interest rates while loaning out money.
- A shark can sense blood in the water from several miles away, Roger Bernadina can sense where a ball will be hit, before the pitcher throws it.
- San Jose named their hockey team the Sharks because Bernadina had a layover there once.
- Until the nineteenth century, some inhabitants of the islands in the South Pacific considered sharks to be gods and offered human sacrifices to them. After watching Bernadina play baseball, now they all do.
- Shark skin(made of denticles) is so rough that if Bernadina high fives you, you'll need serious hand surgery.
- The Chinese basketball team, the Shanghai Sharks is comprised of an army of Roger Bernadina clones.
- The 1965 Chevrolet Mako Shark II concept car (which may very well be the coolest looking automobile in history), was designed after Roger Bernadina.
- Adam Dunn didn't sign with the Chicago White Sox for the money. He signed because he has an inherent and crippling, pants-wetting fear of sharks.
- Roger Bernadina can stop time.
- Sharks and dinosaurs lived together between 64-450 million years ago. Then Bernadina got sick of dinosaurs.
- Every shark attack in history was caused because "the victim" said Roger Bernadina's name in vain.
- Like some other sharks, Roger Bernadina is considered endangered because he is the only Shark of his kind. Scientists agree, however, unlike other sharks, Roger Bernadina has no chance of becoming extinct.
- The hydraulic rescue tool, Jaws of Life was modeled after Bernadina's own jaw.
- In the 1960's live action Batman series, Batman is seen battling a shark with Shark Repellent Bat Spray, which causes the shark to explode. Fear of Bernadina's backlash caused ABC to take the show off the air and urge the Surgeon General to ban the spray.
- Some shark's skin can be up to 14 cm thick. Shark detractors are very lucky this is the case...
- There was a common myth that sharks don't attack in the middle day. This was disproven at Roger Bernadina's first professional day game.
- In addition to his baseball skills, Roger Bernadina is the best damn pool player on earth.
- "Hammerhead Attacks a Tarpon" YouTube video, which prominently features Roger Bernadina, has 8 million views. Sadly, 7.5 Million of those views are by us at Sharkadina.
- Roger Bernadina can catch anything.
