Quoth the Shark...

"Did anyone watch the Superbowl?" asked Alex Rodriguez in front of an audience or reporters at spring training this morning. "Great game." BOOM! All of a sudden, the crowd went wild. The reaction could not be contained. People were chuckling, yolking, snorting, gasping, giggling, and even laughing at A-Rod's knee-slappingly, side-splittingly, Don-Mattingly, sheer-comedic-genius of a comment. A-Rod was of course referring to being fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz (apparently she is indentured to him, or something?) on national television.

First of all, lame.  Second-of-ly, how come I'm not reading about Roger "The Shark" Bernadina causing a group of adults to go into near cardiac arrest from laughing so hard.

Some of you may be saying, "Well, sharks don't ever speak, that's why. A great deal of the communication though among sharks involves aggression. They will fight each other not for territory but for prey. One shark may kill something but many others are going to take the opportunity to get a piece of it. This is why most sharks won't kill something larger than they can immediately swallow unless they have no other choice."
....
To this, I reply "Roger Bernadina is a human. You do know that right?"

Anyway, below are some press conference openers for The Shark. Use them, Bernie.

• "Did anyone watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel last summer? If so, do you still have it on TiVo.  I missed like half of it."  

• Bernadina: I only watched Inception once and I completely understood all of it
• Reporter 1: Surely, you can't be serious!
• Bernadina: I am, and don't call me SHARKLY! (Roger points at reporter and winks. Knee slapping ensues)

• "Shoot for the moon over the ocean. That way, if you miss, you will land amongst the sharks."

• "I AM SHARK. PRAY TO ME!"

•  "I am so sorry to interrupt, Mr. Rodriguez, but your car is waiting out front"

Hopefully, when the opportunity arises, Roger Bernadina will be ready

More to come.